March 11, 2017
It’s 2017/03/11, Well my deadline is coming, just 53 days remaining to make my dream into reality. I am feeling pressured and feel like I am going to lose everything, everything I have achieved and even everything I have hoped of achieving. I am feeling stressed. Well, I have already taken huge risk, I have left the mainstream science field, I have abandoned the idea of going to foreign country to study like many of my friends, moreover studied Bachelor in Arts, (which is actually going to lead me nowhere) so that I could buy myself more time to focus in my passion and this thing.
It actually begun last year after I finished my class 12 (2015), I was hopeful, I thought it wouldn’t be that hard, as this is the field I love. But things weren’t going as I was expecting, it wasn’t as I had hoped for. At the same time I had to run for making my house in Murgiya, it was really bad, those bureaucratic works and delay in governmental work hindered me to focus well on my work.
Moreover my brother (Mother’s Sister’s son) broke his arm. I had to stay there for about 1 month, OMG. During that time everything started to derail, I stopped exercising, my routine failed, I wasn’t able to making things done. After that I had to run for house, it was frustrating. My mom had forced me to do it, even I hadn’t wanted to do it, I felt so depressed and angry at life, I just wanted to die. But I did it, everyday I had to travel about 50 + 50 Km in Bus and walk about +2-3 Km. During that time, I started focusing on my breathing, I used to count my breathing till 100 and again return to 0, this helped me to keep going, this helped me to stop thinking about depressing thoughts. I had to do everything alone, previously I thought my (Suraj) brother will be my companion but he had broken his arm, so I had to make all those effort myself, except for some days when Grand Father used to come with me. For next 3-4 months my day went like this. For me this thing was meaningless, I wasn’t enthusiastic about it, it was just a waste of my time and energy. I was suffocating and suffering a lot, inorder to free myself and get little bit of relief I started to focus on my breathing. I was quarelling with mom in the phone, I wasn’t happy, I wished to die.
After that, came the exam of 1st year, I had to study for it. After giving exam I again started to focus on my Blog.
Slowly Slowly I again started to get back on track, I started exercising, autosuggesting, bathing and meditating. I made a goal to earn $1000 (well money isn’t an important thing but it’s something I need to be alive, to feed myself) per month in May 4th 2017. Well I chose this day because I had filled the US DV form for me and my mom, and it said the result will come in May 4th, it is my first time, so I am really hopeful. But I know, I can’t do anything about it. But guess it’s always good to have a backup plan.
During last 6-7 months I have made a tremendous progress in my morning ritual and routine, but I wasn’t making good progress in my Blogging area. But in last couple of weeks I am making lots of progress but still they aren’t adequate. I am working hard, my leg hurts because of continuous sitting in (partial) lotus position studying books and trying to write things, I believe if I make it a habit then I will be good at it, as it is also beneficial for my back and spine.
Moreover there is no net in home, I have to go to Butwal to my Brother’s house for publishing my post and articles. I have to use mobile data for using internet. So, if I make this post today then consider that it is being done using mobile data. Well, it’s actually a good thing, nowadays I haven’t been wasting my time by watching Youtube Video and mindlessly browsing Quora and web. But I don’t know, is it because there is not net in home or am I really starting to get more serious in my Goal.
Talking about achieving my dream, I haven’t lost hope but I feel melancholy inside me, like I am losing something, like everything will be lost if it don’t happen. I know I must keep going on, I can’t do anything but push harder, I can’t do anything but create new plan, look for new ways and try to give everything I have.
While writing this article, I remembered the story from Napolean Hill’s book Think and Grow Rich, titled something like “Three Feet From Gold”. A man invests heavily in gold mining equipment and goes to mine the Gold. He keeps on digging and keeps on going below. At some point, signs of Gold mine start to appear, but it gets lost. He tries hard to find it again, but couldn’t. He gives up his dream and sells all his equipment at the fraction of actual cost. The next man, who had bought the equipment, calls the mining expert (perhaps geologist) and asks him to examine the mine. The expert says it’s a natural phenomenon and the gold must be just below it. So, the man starts mining and after just 3 feet, he finds his treasures, he makes millions out of that mine by just digging 3 feet. Hence the first man who sold his dream and equipment learns the very good lesson, “Don’t give up and try everything you can.” Later, using that same lesson, that same man makes fortunes in his business.
I guess I have to do the same thing, go till the very end and try everything I can.